At one point of our life, you know that you have to change. From bad to good, from zero knowledge of islam to at least something we have idea about what islam is. But it is not easy as I thought. Not everyone can accept the changes. That's life. If you want to be great, you have to sacrifice something because you don't know that maybe it is not your right to have. Just mind yourself that maybe Allah already plans a greater thing to you and just wait for the right time to give or maybe when you are fully ready to accept another gift from HIM.
Step by step. Maybe it is the best principe for me. I can't change everything at one time. maybe I have to crawl. but at least I have to give my best shot and pray that Allah accept my effort. well, human still human. We can't be perfect no matter how hard we try. But the effort we made hopefully accepted by the Almighty.
I've learn one lesson all this while, we can't judge people although she/he is bad than us, we don't know what Allah plans to her/him. Maybe one day, he/she will be better than us. we plan Allah determine :)
I've decided to start wearing hijab that cover my chest, and I still have many thing to change from outer and inner of me. There's still a lot to change, and the difficult decision I made is that the moment I decided not to meet my boyfriend and not to touch even his hand. And this moment I know that, if we change to be a good muslim, Allah will give us the best that can suit us, lead us. All I want is the pray from others and I'll pray others to hold my hand and change together with me cause there's still a far journey to crawl with the short time given. I want to enter jannah with all my friends, my family . insyaAllah. i just hope that everyone can lead me , can critic me with a sincere thought. assalamualaikum :)
p/s : welcome Rejab, one of the holy and barakah month. let us be a good muslim together .amiin